Old year's resolutions for 2021

Happy 2022! At last, the annus horribilis 2021 is behind us.

No better day then than today, to retroactively set a couple of SMART goals for last year.

Curious to find out how we’ve done? So are we. Read on!

✅ Mow the lawn

Not to brag or anything, but this has been an outright success. The only problem seems to be that the grass — or what’s left of it — keeps coming back. A flock of computer vision enabled sheep robots might have helped. Or laser treatment. On the grass, not the sheep.

✅ Steer clear of wealth and fame

Last year could have seen our fledgling startup Ester grow and survive. Alas, the gods decided otherwise. As a result, no soonicorn status was to be bestowed on my co-founders and me. So much for the Maseratis and pool parties in Knokke, Saint-Tropez or Dubai. Check!

✅ Unstart yoga

I can totally see myself getting down on a yoga mat, if it wasn’t for my arms, legs and hips that don’t lie. Moreover, the gravity defying forces required by upward facing cobra, dog and pigeon poses turn out to be a bit of a stretch. As are the turquoise leggings. Yet another disaster averted. Re-check!

❌ Get in touch with my inner compost heap

During abovementioned garden activities, the mower engine noise does prevent me from spiritually connecting with Mother Nature’s fresh produce. As does hay fever, incidentally. Someday, I’d really like to sit barefoot in a compost barrel enjoying the view and the toe-tickling worms, but last year just wasn’t ready for that yet.

✅ Stay afloat in the swimming pool

Honestly, 2021 has been my best swim year ever. Making abstraction of cycling and running, one could easily have mistaken me for a would-be Iron Man candidate. That is, if you leave certain body parts out of the equation. Anyway: did not drown. Mission accomplished.

❌ Get published on Medium or LinkedIn

As is commonly known, the cultural sector has been hit extremely hard by Covid. On top of that: through-the-roof energy prices reinforced by the Dunkelflaute effect. No wonder my literary agent wasn’t able to land me a Medium or LinkedIn publication contract! We’ll see if there’s more room for hot air next year.

✅ Drink milk

About a liter a day. Sorry cows.

❌ Become a jewelry unboxing influencer

Despite a constant stream of packages delivered for my wife and daughters, 2021 has not been the year in which I established myself as an influencer specialising in selling online jewelry or other junk. The unboxing is just too much for me. I also don’t feel like getting my ears pierced.

✅ Write more questionable haikus

Syllable counting
First five then seven then five
How hard can it be

✅ Get triple vaccinated

Until total madness sets in.